


Forbidden Love

by Bandshe



Series: Selene's Story [1]
Category: Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Attempted Rape/Non-Con, F/M, Oral Sex, Sex, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-02
Updated: 2015-03-02
Packaged: 2018-03-15 23:48:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3466592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bandshe/pseuds/Bandshe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cullen develops a friendship with his charge Selene Surana</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Blooming Friendship

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Usagibean](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Usagibean/gifts), [thetimba](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thetimba/gifts).

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen and Selene get closer. The explanation of her scars mentioned in Love at the Point of a Dagger: http://archiveofourown.org/works/3454892

Every night was the same thing, Selene had to hear Katherine and Anna gossip about how Cullen liked her. They’d gossip as if she wasn’t in the room with them. She didn’t mind the attention from Cullen, but the gossip she could do without.

She had been at the Circle since she was ten, but Cullen hadn’t arrive for another eight years. Cullen was always very awkward, but more so around her. She was one of his charges and the way he acted she might’ve well been the only one. She found herself smitten with him, occasionally scouting the room for him, once she’d find him she’d avoid all eye contact. It was a horribly played game of cat and mouse.

Eventually Cullen grew bolder and would talk to her when he thought no one was watching, but never to her face. He’d stand behind her, arms crossed behind him as if he was on duty and nothing more.

“Uh, you’re…uh…very beautiful today. Is that a different robe?”

“No Cullen, it’s the same one I have to wear everyday. Is that a different suit of armor?”

“Uh, well, no?” Cullen responded nervously.

“No? You’re not sure Cullen?”

“Of course I’m sure, I just…never mind.” Cullen stuttered.

Her smile widened knowing she had achieved success. “Cullen.”

“Yes ma’am?” 

Selene turned and made eye contact with him seeing him blush. “You’re looking especially handsome today.” She smirked.

“Uh, I think someone is calling me. Yes, can you hear it? I can. Bye.” Cullen runs out of the dinning hall.

“Isn’t that so adorable, Cullen can’t even make eye contact with Selene without making a run for it.” she heard Katherine say. She turned around bitterly.

She stood up glaring at Katherine. “Listen Kat, you’re just pissed because my guard is young and attractive. You get Ser Ivan, who’s practically ready to meet the Maker.” The whole table laughed as she took her tea and book and went to the quarters. 

Due to all the gossip Selene started to take all her meals in the apprentices’ quarters. First Enchanter Irving was concerned with her behavior.

“Selene, you can’t stay holed up in here every meal time.”

“I don’t want to deal with those two, it’s bad enough I have to share the quarters with them. I need a break. Will you allow it?” Selene feared he’d deny her request.

“Selene you have been nothing but a great apprentice. You’re a great student and you avoid drama. I’ll allow this, but I must station a templar at the door. I’ll get the one who is in charge of watching over you.” Irving walked out of the room.

“Great now everyone will definitely talk.” 

“Ahem, Selene?” a voice came from the doorway.

She looks up from her plate. “Oh hi Cullen. I suppose you’re my babysitter.”

“Except you’re not a baby.” Cullen chuckles nervously.

He was cute, but he was awkward. Selene was never involved with anyone, she was too focused on her studies, but Cullen had grabbed her attention immediately. She never allowed people to really see that she liked him, only that she was teasing him.

“So, I guess it’s just us two, Cullen.” Selene hoped that would open up any bit of a conversation but she got nothing out of him.

“It seems so.”

For weeks their brief conversations continued. But one day Cullen broke the silence.

“Uh, ma’am?”

“For Andraste’s tits Cullen I have a name. I’m also your age.” Selene snapped.

“Yes, uh, Selene, I got this book for you. I saw that you really like history books from all over Thedas so I had this book sent over here, for you. If you want it, that is.” Cullen hands her the book. She reaches for it letting her fingers brush up against his. He pulls his hand back quickly, blushing. Selene shakes her head, laughing to herself.

“It’s old Cullen, are you sure I should have this?” Selene opened up the book, holding up it up to her nose and taking in a deep breath. Nothing beat the smell of a book.

“Yes, it’s a gift please take it. My sister, she was going to give it to the library in Honnleath and I convinced her to send it here. I didn’t say it was for a mage, a girl, uh you.”

Selene stood up holding the book to her chest smiling. “Thank you Cullen.” She leaned over and kissed his cheek. The two stepped back in shock. It felt right for her to do it, but at the same time she crossed a line and she couldn’t come back from it. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean, I mean I did, but, thanks Cullen.” She now knew how Cullen felt around her.

Selene went back to her desk and opened up the book and started to read it. Cullen stood at the doorway smiling. He should’ve freaked out more, stopped her, reprimanded her, but he liked it. 

The next day Cullen became more open with her. “You know when I was a child there was this little blue ball that my brother and I used to kick around. One day this girl, who I’d never seen before, took the ball and threw it in the lake. My brother and I were distraught, we went to get my father. My father had informed me that it was her ball and for the longest time she was afraid to approach us. Turns out my father told her to take it from us and throw it in the lake. He had promised her a new ball.”

Selene laughed at his story. “I’m sorry that I don’t have many stories for you Cullen, I’ve kind of been here for the past eight years.”

“I’m sorry if I made you feel bad. Forgive me, ma…Selene.” 

Selene smiled up at him. “It’s alright Cullen I love your stories.”

“Uh, you do?”

“Yes, they make me happy.” She stood up to go grab something and Cullen jumped back expecting her to kiss him. “You’re so jumpy Cullen. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. It was a sudden chill that’s all.” Cullen rubbed the back of his neck nervously. They began to hear the mages approach so Selene ran to her bed as Cullen stood there with his arms crossed, scowling. Everyone knew when Cullen was trying too hard, and it was especially that obvious. Selene had her back turned reading a book. Not his book, no that one was hidden because if it was found she’d lose it. Once everyone came in and the other templars took their position Cullen excused himself.

“Cullen gets an hour alone with Selene and all he could do is stand there like a statue.”

Selene puts her book down and walks up to one of the templars.

“Um, excuse me ser, but that mage over there was talking about blood magic, I’m afraid she’s going to try it. Can you please inform First Enchanter Irving. He might not believe me, you’re more respected.” Selene said while looking at Katherine spitefully.

“Yes ma’am, thank you for informing me. I’ll let him know immediately.” the templar took off down the hall.

Selene went back to her bed, no one was going to mess with her. She wanted silence and she was going to get it one way or another.

She opened her book and began reading waiting for the chaos to ensue. 

“Katherine.”

“Yes?” Katherine stood up.

“First Enchanter Irving needs to speak to you. We are to escort you to his offices.”  
Everyone started gossiping about the possible reasons for her to be called into his offices.

“A blood mage? Where would they get that notion?”

“I don’t know, but she’s suffering for it now. They have her working with the Tranquils. I think they’re trying to make sure she knows what will happen to her if she crosses the line.”

Part of Selene felt guilty, but the other part enjoyed watching her suffer. Katherine was willing to possibly get an innocent man transferred because she was gossiping about him. She knew it was an extreme but she didn’t care.


	2. A traumatic Start

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Selene's attempted rape brings the two close

With many more Harrowings happening and very few people passing, the quarters became more vacant. Selene loved the quiet, but she also looked forward to her moments alone with Cullen, the stories he’d tell her. With each visit she’d keep an eye for people just to see if there were any scheduled patrols that could prevent them from relaxing around each other.

“Cullen, sit here. You standing there makes me feel rude.”

“You know I can’t do that Selene”

“I’m almost finished with the book you gave me.”

“Really? That was pretty fast. I’m sure I can sneak you in another one. The cover of that book were worn what part of Thedas did it cover?”

“Tevinter.” Selene winced expecting him to lash out on himself and then maybe even her for not giving the book back.

“Hah, what are the odds that I’d give a Circle mage a history book on Tevinter? An elf no less.” Cullen was relaxed and Selene loved seeing him like this. He was a person, not some statue. “I’ll see what I can do for you the next time.” Cullen leaned over and without hesitation he kissed her cheek. Cullen pulled back and the two smiled and blushed. Selene hid her face, but her eyes were smiling. Cullen felt proud of himself. Selene sat down caressing her face where he kissed her.

“Are you alright Selene? I’m sorry if I…”

“Cullen, I’m more than alright. Thank you.” she spoke softly, dazed by his kiss.

“Well, don’t thank me just yet, I don’t know if I can get you any other books.” Cullen wasn’t aware of what she was thanking him for. “Oh, everyone’s coming, I better leave. I’ll see you tomorrow Leenie.” Cullen stood at the door stoically, waiting to be relieved.

Tomorrow came and went and Cullen wasn’t there. A week went by and still he wasn’t there. Everyday there was a new templar at her door. She wanted to ask why there were multiple guards everyday, but she stayed focused on her studies. Occasionally she’d see one of the templars look at her suspiciously, as if she did something wrong. Soon she began to think that someone caught Cullen kissing her. I did this. He lost his station because of me.  
The next day the same templar was at her door. She was thankful for the consistency this time around. She wanted to get another book from the library so she asked if he could accompany her so as not to look like she was avoiding the templar. He walked behind her at an uncomfortable distance, she could feel her hairs stand up in the back of her neck.

“Ma’am. I suggest you stop here.” The templar stopped her in front of one of the smaller offices that belonged to the Chantry sisters.

“Why? I’ll be quick, I just need a book, I know where it is and we’ll get back in no time.”

The templar opened the door and told her to go in. She wasn’t naive she knew what he wanted. She weighed her options, she wasn’t going to let him take her, but if she used her magic she could be made tranquil.

“I said get in!” he pushed her into the offices. She screamed out hoping someone would hear her. He slapped her across her face splitting her lip. This angered her, she wanted to use her magic, but instead she stomped on his foot. He was momentarily incapacitated, but as she tried to run past him he grabbed her arm and threw her on the ground.

“Your little boy toy isn’t here to help you missy.”

Selene tried standing back up and was kicked down. He pulled out a pair of daggers. She cowered in the corner. At this point she didn’t care if she’d be made tranquil she just didn’t want to be taken. She used her magic to create a spark to blind him. He screamed covering his eyes. She managed to sneak by him before she felt herself being pulled back in. He took the daggers and in attempts to cut off her robes he cut into her abdomen. One cut on each side. She screamed out, the shock of it caused her to pass out momentarily. She was being carried down the hall being told to stay with them. Stay with who? She was awake, but unaware of what was going on. She saw the templar being dragged out by one of the senior templars. Her stomach burned, it stung with pain. She looked down and saw her blood pouring out of her wounds. She looked up to see Ser Greagoir rushing her to the Circle’s infirmary.

“Did he?” Selene asked.

“No dear, he didn’t. Relax, you’re losing blood.Your wounds are deeper than I thought.” Ser Greagoir said panicked. “Maker this wouldn’t have happened if Cullen didn’t have to go to the damn Chantry.” he said under his breath.

“Cullen?” Selene asked.

“Don’t you worry yourself, you’ll be ok soon.” Greagoir made it to the Circle’s infirmary or what it was supposed to be. He lay her on the table and excused himself. “I have to deal with this bastard.”

Selene was in and out of consciousness. She’d only wake up to bouts of pain, before being given herbs to dull her pain. Her wounds stung and on several occasions she’d grab at the poultices screaming to stop the fire.

“My dear you have to let those sit or you’ll never heal. Don’t pull out the stitches dear. Maker where was that templar that was so enamored with her?”

Does everyone know? she thought to herself. 

She was in the infirmary for days recovering. She wasn’t allowed to move too much for fear she’d pull her stitches.

“You’re lucky my dear. That is the only thing he got to do. Ser Greagoir heard your screams, and his. Whatever you did gave Greagoir enough time to get there.”

“It was just a quick flash of light and he still managed to grab me. I was foolish for thinking he was a gentleman like Cullen and the others before him.” Selene started crying.

“It’s ok dear. Sleep, your guard will be coming soon.”

“Of course, I’m bed ridden and still I have to be watched.” 

“It’s more for your protection from others than everyone else’s protection from you. This won’t make the templars look good.”

Soon all was quiet except a set of footsteps running towards her.

“Maker, what happened to you?”

“Cullen?” She turned to see if it was really him.

“Yes. I heard what happened. I’m sorry I had to go. It wasn’t my choice, I didn’t know.” Cullen rambled.

“Cullen stop, people will hear you.” Selene tried hushing him.

“No one is around. They made sure I was alone with you.”

“Not very wise now is it?” she laughed to herself.

“Why not?” Cullen asked.

“Well, the last time I was left alone with a templar…” her sentence was cut short by a series of coughs.

“How can you laugh about this? He could’ve…he could've taken you, or worse. It would’ve been my fault. I should’ve been here.” Cullen took her hand and cried. She took her hand back and ran it through his hair.

“You’re here now Cullen, and that’s what matters right now.” 

The two heard someone come in and Cullen stood up quickly while Selene feigned sleeping. 

“Cullen, from now on until this one has completed her Harrowing , you are to stay with her at all times.”

“Yes Ser.”

“Cullen don’t beat yourself up over this, she’s just a mage. I know you’re a very dedicated templar and you take your station very seriously, but you can’t rescue everyone.”

The footsteps fade and it’s some time before she feels Cullen’s fingers weave through hers. 

“You’re not just a mage to me, you’re more. I brought you another book. I know it won’t take away from this, but it can be distracting. If you want I can read it to you. I promise this one isn’t about Tevinter.” Cullen’s smile widened when he saw Selene laughing.

“I missed you Leenie.” He stood up to kiss her forehead. Cullen wanted to kiss her lips but he wasn’t sure if she really wanted it and it was in a really awkward setting. Cullen sat back down and opened the book.

“Heh, it’s about the Anderfels. I can’t luck out on any of these books.”

Selene giggled. He looked up from the book smiling at her.

It was weeks before she was fully recovered. When no one was in the infirmary and she was done with her studies, they’d talk for hours holding each other’s hands.

“Selene, I have to teach you to defend yourself without using your magic. You need to make sure that if another templar attacks you you can at least protect yourself without magic. When you’re in better shape I’ll teach you what I can.” he placed his hand on her leg. Selene’s cheeks brightened. 

Soon the two went from sitting across from each other to sitting on the same bed holding hands until they heard someone coming. Selene would rest her head on his shoulder and he’d play with her hair. Then one day they couldn’t bear it, the wait was too much. He took her hand like always, but this time they looked at each other for a bit too long and soon the two shared a chaste kiss. They pulled away Cullen apologizing and Selene happily caressing her lips with her fingers.

“That was too forward of me, especially…”

Selene grabs him, bringing him in for another, less appropriate kiss. Soon his hand is cupping her face, softly caressing her cheek with his thumb. “You’re my first kiss Selene. I hope you’re not disappointed.”

“Cullen, it’s mine too. I thought it was great.”

Soon when the two could, they’d share the bed, stealing away naps and kisses. They’d lay in bed reading to each other or just cuddling. Every time there was a noise Cullen would jump out of the bed. He was becoming quite proficient at it.


	3. Alone at last

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Selene and Cullen finally find themselves alone. Where she finally "learns" to use daggers. Tie in to Love At the Point of a Dagger http://archiveofourown.org/works/3454892

It was another week before Selene found herself back in the apprentice quarters. At first no one wanted to approach her, they didn’t know how. They dared not bring up what happened for fear she’d lose it. It didn’t help that Cullen seemed colder than before. The other mages felt uncomfortable around him. It wasn’t long before they transferred Selene to her own room. For appearance sake she threw a fit. She said she wanted easy access to the library and someone foolishly said, “The library is what got you in this mess in the first place.” The room went silent. Cullen let out his wrath.

“Who said that?! I demand you show yourself.” Katherine stood up with a smug look on her face. “I don’t know what your problem is with Mage Surana, but it has to end here. She could’ve lost her life amongst other things and yet you sit her making jokes as if nothing happened. What kind of person are you?”

Katherine backed away for the first time taking Cullen seriously. “Sorry, I wasn’t thinking.”

“Apologize to Surana not to me.” Cullen demanded.

“I’m sorry Selene.”

“I know. I accept your apology.” Selene walked out with her belongings, her head bowed.

“Come on Surana.” Cullen guided her out of the apprentice quarters. They both could feel everyone staring at them. They kept their distance until the turned the corner, in which Selene dropped her belongings and Cullen had her pushed up against a wall while feverishly lifting her robe up to gain access to her sex. She felt it unfair that he was in full armor and had no access to him yet he was able to have her if he wanted to. There were footsteps coming from around the corner and Selene lowered her robe starting to pick up her belongings.

“Oh, I thought you made it to her quarters.” Irving said.

“She dropped some of her belongings and refuses to let me help her.

“My dear I understand why you wouldn’t want him so close but you have to allow him to help. I can imagine the panic you’re going through with having him be there while you’re alone, but he’s familiar to you and he’s always proven to be trust worthy and a gentleman. Do you want me to carry these for you?”

“Yes, First Enchanter.” Selene let him take her belongings so she could stay back alongside Cullen. He could feel her fingertips brush up against his before intertwining her fingers with his. They continued holding hands until they reached her quarters when Irving turned around. 

“Here you go my dear. We’ll bring in your books and food.” Irving smiled at the both them and walked off. 

“Well let’s put your things in your new room.” Cullen said hoping not to come off as suspicious, but his acting was as good as her dog training abilities. Cullen left her door opened for a while before he felt it safe enough to close the door behind him. 

“Maker, I want you. I’ve wanted you since I’ve arrived here. You’re an enchanting woman. I’d gladly take you here, but the armor, there is no way to pretend nothing is going on when half of my armor is on the floor.”

“I’m sure I can find a way to get them to change you into something less difficult to work with. For now you’re going to make due with what you can.” Selene pressed up against him, lifting her robes, disregarding the cold rough plate mail on her skin.

“Maker, I don’t want you to feel like I’m forcing you.”

“Cullen if anything I’d be the one forcing you.”

The moment Cullen saw the scars everything came back to him. His absence almost cost her her dignity.

“Cullen?”

“Selene, I have to teach you to protect yourself. I know you have the magic, but that bastard pulled out daggers on you. I want you to at least be able to disarm a man and have the basics of fighting and the usage of these weapons.”

“Do the scars bother you Cullen?”

“No, they don’t take away from your beauty. I just feel like I should’ve been there.”

“Cullen don’t beat yourself up over this. I don’t blame you for it.” she let the robe back down. 

“I have a way of getting some daggers here so you can at least know how to handle them. No one will ever know about it. You work your magic to get me out of this suit of armor and I’ll work mine. I have to open the door now Leenie.”

Cullen turned to the door, but Selene grabbed his arm pulling him in closer. “One more kiss before you return to your duties.” She kissed him passionately, pulling at his lower lip with her teeth as she pulled away.

He smirked at her and opened the door.

At night a mage would be stationed at her door while he slept. As soon as Cullen awoke the mage would leave. 

That morning Selene requested to speak to Greagoir and Irving.

“You wanted to speak to us my dear?” Irving asked.

“Yes, I understand that it’s necessary for Cullen to be in full armor, but it makes me uncomfortable. I keep having flashbacks. I just don’t want to be alone with another Templar in full armor. How can I save myself if anything were going to happen again? I trust Cullen with my life, but I just can’t see the armor, not yet.” Selene said avoiding Greagoir.

“She has a point Greagoir.”

“Yes, but if we were to be attacked.” Greagoir countered.  
“He’d have time. This part of the tower is far enough from the entrance that he’d have time to act.” Irving pressed.

“It’s also far enough that he wouldn’t receive warning until it’s too late. But if she insists, he can wear lighter armor, but if this backfires Irving…so help me.” Greagoir went to speak to Cullen.

“Yes Ser, I understand.”

Selene couldn’t help but smile at him.

“Before I do that, are you able to stay with her, there is a book that I had sent to the inn across the lake and I need to pick it up.”

“I can get it for you Cullen.”

“Thank you, but it’s a family book and I just feel better if I go get it myself. It’s a history book.” Cullen hoped that his Ferelden history book arrived along with his extra package concealed inside another book.

“Alright, make it quick son or I’ll have your head.”

Selene sat in her bed reading the books Irving had brought her.

“You’re a quiet one Surana. It must bother Cullen. He doesn’t like feeling like he should be talking. He stammers a lot. Try and talk to him, maybe you can help him out of his shell. He’s just so awkward, it makes us look bad.”

Selene keeps her eyes on the book smiling. “Of course Ser, if it will help then I’ll do it.”

“Thank you.”

“I’m back Ser. It’s hard running in this armor. I got my book.” Cullen smiles at Greagoir awkwardly.

“Remember what I told you Surana.” Greagoir walks off looking down at the books Cullen had brought back.

“What did he tell you?”

“That I should talk to you more often to get you out of your shell.”

“If I let you talk I’ll be out of my clothes.”

“Or just out of your armor.” she winked at him. “I told you I could make it happen.”

Cullen threw her the book, she opened it up and inside where daggers placed into cutout sections in the book.

“Someone destroyed a book to sneak these in?” Selene frowned.

“I’m sorry Leenie this was the only way.” Cullen felt guilty.

“It’s ok. Instruct me.” She pulls the daggers out of the book, throwing it aside.

“Wow, right to business. I hope you know I’m not actually good at this. I can only teach you how to hold them and then use me as a target.”

“Really? All of this and you don’t know how to even use these?!” Selene holds the daggers up.

“I think necessity is the best teacher.” Cullen said awkwardly knowing full well that he was incapable of properly instructing her. The one person who could was the same person that had put her in the position in the first place. The thought of him trying to take the woman he loved filled him with the darkest thoughts.

“So, I’ll probably do a better job teaching you?” Selene fell back in bed laughing.

“This is amusing to you?”

“Of course it is Cullen.” 

“Of course it is Cullen, she says. I can’t believe you.”

Selene stands up, daggers in hand and calls him over. “Well, teach me how to hold these.”

Cullen walks up to her taking the daggers from her so he could get a good feel for them. He tried recalling as much as Ser Thomas had taught him, just the irony of it all bothered him. 

“Well I can tell you that griping them will be like a sword, not too hard and not to light. So take them and see if you can get a feel for them.”

Selene delicately takes the daggers from Cullen. The daggers’ hafts were too thick, clearly meant for a bigger hand. “Cullen I can barely wrap my hands around these.”

“During a fight you may have to use any weapon laying around if you don’t already have your own. Make do with what you have Selene.”

Selene stood there struggling for a proper grip. Cullen walks behind her placing his hands over hers. Selene presses up against him, softly moaning.

“You did this on purpose, didn’t you?” He smiles as their bodies become flush. Cullen releases his grip from her hands and moves them up her arms. He starts kissing her neck, hearing the daggers clink on the ground made him tighten his grip on her arms. 

“Cullen.” Selene moans out. “Cullen, we have to stop, I don’t want to, but we have to. Just…for a…mmmm…bit.”

Cullen loosens his grip letting Selene break free from it. She faces him smiling. She looked like those graceful paintings of the Dalish elves he’d see in his Chantry books. 

“You’re so beautiful Selene. Like a piece of art, you’re so ethereal. I don’t want anything happening to you. I’ll always be here for you. To protect you, no matter how wrong it may be.” Cullen cups her face bringing her in for a kiss. “May I have this kiss ma’am?”

His politeness made her shiver. “Yes, Ser, yes you may.” She closes her eyes so the only thing she could sense was his kiss. She wasn’t the only one enjoying the kiss. He always figured he’d be awkward with kissing, amongst the many things he was awkward with, or maybe awkward with in the future, but kissing her felt natural.

Cullen pulls back looking at her. “I have to change Leenie. I’ll be back.”

“Can’t you just change in here?” She winks.

Silence permeates the room, she looks at Cullen who stood there in shock. He had never thought that she’d be ok with him disrobing in front of her, but considering the moment they had in the hallway, he guessed that she’d be ok. 

“I think it’s best I do it in my room. People will talk if I leave your room in my light armor when I went in in full plate mail.”

“Let them talk Cullen.”

“Leenie, you know I can’t.” Cullen took her hands and kissed them, before walking away. 

Selene went back to bed and picked up her new book. This time the book was on Orlais. Selene scrunched up her nose in distaste. She had read so much on Orlais already and she was tired of hearing about it as well. Katherine wouldn’t stop talking about how she was Orlesian and Orlais this and Orlais that. She knew it wasn’t Cullen’s fault, he never knew what book he was getting. She was thankful that he was sneaking them in for her. She was surprised that Ser Greagoir didn’t reprimand him for even mentioning going to get a book. She supposed that Cullen was just that great of a person that people would overlook small indiscretions. There was a light tap at her door and she peered up from her book to see Cullen there awkwardly smiling at her.

“What do you think ma’am?”

“I think it’s pretty easy to remove.” the two shared devious smiles, but never made a move. Cullen turned back around to guard her room as she continued to read her book.


	4. A Not So Awkward Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their first encounter

“What’s this one about?” Cullen asked watching her thumb through the book he gave her.

“Huh?”

“The book, what’s it about?”

“Orlais.”

“Haha, did Katherine write it?” Cullen joked.

Selene laughed. “Might as well have. The way this book is written it feels very one sided.”

Selene quietly turned the pages, occasionally Cullen would look over seeing her lick her fingers as she went to turn a page. He thought about how tender some of their kisses were in the healer’s quarters. How gently her tongue rubbed up against his, how sometimes she’d use it while kissing his neck. His cheeks flushed at the thought and he cleared his throat alerting Selene to his gaze.

“Cullen, you should keep your eyes to yourself.” she gave him an inviting smirk. He walked towards her as she placed her book down.

“I rather keep my eyes on you ma’am.” Cullen took his hand and ran it through her hair a feeling she had enjoyed since the first day he did it. He leans in for a kiss and she pulls away.

“What’s the matter?” Cullen straightened himself fearing that he had somehow crossed a line with her.

“I want to make room for you on the bed.”

“Oh. Um, thanks” Cullen rubbed the back of his neck his cheeks red. “So, this is happening?”

“If you don’t want it to, it doesn’t have to happen.” Selene rested back on her elbows.

“I want it, I’m just afraid I won’t be good at it.” Cullen said afraid she’d reject him.

“It’s my first time, I wouldn’t know.” Selene couldn’t help but laugh, she feared that she’d hurt his feelings but it was a joke she couldn’t pass up.

“That’s not making me feel any better.”

“Come, sit next to me.” Selene sits backs up at the side of the bed. Cullen sits next to her, his hands rubbing his legs nervously. Selene takes one of his hands and brings it up to her mouth. He looks at her wondering what her next move was and she takes one of his fingers and sucks on it. He immediately feels a shiver go up his spine. Next she takes another finger and sucks and licks it. She continues it until Cullen was bold enough to start removing some of his armor. First it was the pauldrons, then his harness, soon he was only in his undershirt. Selene stood up and started to remove her robes, Cullen kissed her belly where the scars were. She instinctively pulled away but he grabbed her by the hips and pulled her back in. She removed her robes letting them fall to the floor. She was completely naked under her robes.

“I can't believe I didn't notice before, but where are your…”

“Cullen, it just makes it easier to get dressed in a hurry.” She straddled him, his leather pants irritated her skin but she just wanted to get him going. His breathing deepened and his brow glistened with sweat. She grabbed the hem of his shirt and lifted it over his head. There they both were, topless, sweating, hearts beating a mile a minute. Selene pushes him onto his back and leans in for a kiss. He was glad she was making the move, it was easier on him, fewer awkward moments. She moved from his lips to his chin, settling on his neck. She knew she could suck on his neck, but she also knew the ramifications. She it was all light nipping and licking. His chest heaved with every stroke of her tongue, with each press of her lips. She worked her way down to his chest, running her fingers down his side as she licked him, causing him to buck and laugh.

“Selene stop, I’m sensitive there.”

Selene looks up and him with this look that only meant she was up to no good. “Oh well.”

She starts kissing his abdomen, sucking it in various places. She nipped him near his ribs, but really focused all her attention on his nipples. She ran the tip of her tongue on the peak of his nipple. He found himself enjoying it more than expected. He found that his pants were starting to become quite confining. Seeing her naked form on him was unbearable. He wanted to flip over one her back but she was still working on him and when he did attempt it she bit his nipple gently.

“Ok, ok. I’ll…mmm. let you finish.”

Selene moved down and started to undo his laces. She realized his greaves were going to get in the way of her removing his pants so she demanded him remove them.

“Leenie I can barely function, you’re asking for too much.”

“Do you want me to finish?”

“Umm, yes.”

“Then take them off.”

Cullen removed his boots, greaves and pants. He was still in his smalls but Selene knew she could easily remove those. Their clothes were scattered on her floor as if they too were in the midst on a passionate affair. He laid back down and she spread his legs.

“Maker, what are you doing?” Cullen panicked.

“Remember what I did to your fingers?”

“Uh huh.” Cullen let out a deep exhale.

Selene grabbed his hard member and licked it. A small lick at first, small enough to test his reaction. When she heard his moan, she gave him a longer, broader lick. As soon as she received confirmation that he was enjoying it, she took him in her mouth.

“Maker have mercy!” Cullen moaned a little too loudly.

“Shhh, Cullen we’re not necessarily in a good position.” She took him in again, pumping him with her hand as she went down. She continued until she felt he was going to find some release. She knew enough about how sex worked thanks to walking in on a few of her friends. She listened to the tales of stolen moments in the library or any available storage room. She was more focused on her studies than boys, but Cullen caught her eye almost as quickly as she caught his.

She felt herself getting wetter with each of his moans. She knew Cullen would most likely not last too long his first time so she decided she was going to do what needed to be done. She climbed back up and smiled at him.

“Are you ready Cullen?”

“Yes, Leenie.”

Selene lowered herself onto him. Both of them let out loud moans. They both stopped and listened for any sounds, knowing full well that if someone was close enough to hear them then they were going to be caught. Selene felt a bit sore, but she continued to ride him. Cullen’s hands were on her hips and he helped her along, even if it wasn’t much work on his part. Sure enough Cullen felt the release and he removed his hands from her hips. Selene hunched over him smiling.

“How was that for your first time Cullen?”

“Wonderful.” He took his arms and wrapped them around her back bringing her in closer. Her hair draped their faces as they kissed.

“Ugh Cullen, I don’t want to get off.”

“I don’t want you to, but you know we have to get dressed, lest we be caught.” 

Selene rolled off of Cullen and let him get up. She stood up noticing the blood on her sheets.

“Cullen?”

“Yes, my love.” 

“I think you’re going to have to wash up.” Selene pointed at the blood. Cullen panicked as Selene explained to him what was happening. She couldn’t help but laugh throughout the explanation as she watched him turn as white as a sheet.

“Go, get dressed, and call out for a female mage. Have her come in and do her business while you go and wash up.”

Cullen nodded at her still shaking. As soon as he’s dressed he tripped out the door calling out for a mage. Selene put her robe on and waited for the mage. Within minutes a female mage burst into her room.

“What is the matter? That poor templar is in utter panic, I think he lost his meal.”

“I just had my menses. I told him to go and get you and when he looked back, he ran off panicking.” Selene said innocently.

“Men are like that deary.” The woman took her sheets and promised to returned with new ones.

Cullen returned a little while after.

“Maker, will that happen all the time?” He asked hyperventilating.

“No Cullen only the first time with a girl who hasn’t… you know. And even then, not all girls bleed.”

The sweat beads were still falling from his brow. Selene approached him for a kiss when she heard footsteps. The mage returned with fresh sheets and smiled at Cullen, making him blush with embarrassment.

“Here you go sweetie and here are some other necessities.” she starts walking out the door, when she paused to look at Cullen. “These things happen once a month so be prepared to see it more often. Of course unless she was with child, but that wouldn’t happen here.” Cullen’s eyes widened some causing the mage to laugh as she left the room.


	5. A Surprise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Selene shares her surprise with Cullen

Every night after that Cullen would teach Selene more about what little he knew of fighting with daggers until he realized she was better at it than he was.

“You’re a natural. I had something else smuggled in for you." Cullen reaches behind him and hands her a small box with five throwing knives. "I figured it would be a nice 'graduation' present for you. They're small and I assume you'll be able to learn to use them on your own just fine. So I think it’s safe to say that my work here is done.” Cullen smiled.

“I don’t think it is.”

“How so?”

“Well, there are other things you can ‘work’ on.” Selene hinted. 

Cullen closed the door behind him and started to disrobe. Selene laughed and stopped him.

“I’ll do it. I know we have to be quick, but we also don’t have to take everything off.”

She started to unlace his pants and he lifted her robes enough for him to slip his fingers into her sex.

“Mmm Cullen. I love that.”

Cullen moves in closer, “I know.” he pushes her back towards the bed. “Lay down.”

She looks up at him and takes her robes off.

“I thought you said we could do this without taking everything off.”

“I did, didn’t I? It’s easier for me to get dressed, besides I want you to see me fully nude.”

“Well then, thank you.” he removes his pants and smalls and walks towards her bed. He watches her smile at him, inviting him in for a taste. Cullen grabs her legs and spreads them so he can position himself in between them. Selene expects him to get right to business but he doesn’t. He climbs over her and kisses her lips slowly. Just a few pecks to have her begging for more. Then he quenches her thirst and lets his tongue caress hers. Her hands pull at his hair, he hisses in pain but it doesn’t slow him down. He moves onto her neck, her hair long enough to cover up any marks, so he’s not concerned about that. She always had him do it closer to the back of her neck because it was easier to hide, it didn’t matter because she rarely left her room.

He moved down and repaid her for all those times she licked and sucked on his nipples. He liked to hold her nipple in between his teeth, holding it prisoner as he’d roll his tongue over it, while firmly squeezing her breast. He’d stop and let her have some reprieve before he moved onto the next. He moved lower letting his tongue roll over her scars. She remembered the fiery pain of the daggers slicing into her, she remembered the event, the nightmares she still had, but when he was caressing them with his fingers, running his tongue over them or kissing them, all of her memories ceased to be. His tongue traveled down even further until she felt her legs part even farther than before. She looked down at him and there he was, with all the determination in the world, his face buried into her sex and his eyes focused on her. She gasped as his tongue darted into her. She could feel the broad strokes on her clitoris as he came up from inside her vagina. He inserted a few fingers inside as he focused on making love to her clitoris with his tongue.

Once again she found herself gripping his hair for some sort of leverage, bringing him in closer to her. She arched her back moaning out his name with each stroke of his tongue on her clitoris. He grabbed her hood with his teeth and sucked it while caressing her clit with his tongue. He felt her muscles tighten around his fingers as she started to come. He moaned in celebration of his success.

He looked up at her again waiting for her permission. She smiled at him and he stood up. He propped one leg on his shoulder and with one devious smile he plunged right into her causing her to quickly grab a pillow and scream into it. He reached out to grab her breast as he plunged deeper into her. With every thrust she would redden. He could hear her crying into the pillow. He stopped.

“Selene? Are you okay?”

“Mmhm.” a muffled confirmation came from under the pillow. “It’s just so good, too good.”

Cullen laughed and let her leg drop a little so he could lean in closer. She let out a moan of disappointment at his change of position. He lowered himself onto her, her leg still being held up but in a more comfortable position. He kissed her neck as he thrust into her. She latched onto his back, not letting go. If she couldn’t mark his neck she could at least leave marks on his back. She dug her nails in as deep as she could before scratching her way down his back, breaking his skin. 

“Maker, you don’t have to be so rough Leenie.”

“I can’t help it. I love…” It was too late, she knew it. The words started to come out of her mouth, he would pull away from her, she knew it. She knew that it was a mistake, to get this close to him. They could never have the life they wanted unless she became an apostate and that would not turn out well. 

Cullen looked down at her. She turned her head avoiding his gaze, tears starting to form in her eyes. He turned her face back to face him. He smiled down at her.

“I love you too, Selene.” The words were effortless, they were honest. Selene loosened her grip on his back and smiled back at him. He leaned down and gave her a kiss. She held his head, as to not let him pull away. Her tears rolled down her face. Cullen looked at her again, wondering what he should say next, so he told her the truth, “I’ll find a way for us to be together. I want to have a family with you and if that means I have to leave the templars then so be it. My love for you is greater than anything. I’ll do whatever it takes, no matter what the consequences.”

Selene’s eyes widened. “Cullen no, I don’t want you to risk getting caught. Do you know what that will do to you. I would hear you gush about being a templar before our relationship started, I can’t be responsible for you losing your position.” 

“My love, you won’t be responsible for any of it. Now let’s finish what we started my beautiful.”

The conversation cut into their intimate moment and Cullen lost his erection. They both were determined not to end their love making on such a somber note. They kissed again, Cullen continued sucking on her neck, enjoying her moan out as his tongue rolled on her neck. It didn’t take long before Cullen regained his erection, and this time, he made sure that neither of them would forget that moment. 

All their encounters after that day were longer and longer. They knew when they had enough time to get completely undressed and savor every moment they had together, but it had to end sometime. Things had settled and now that Selene was fully recovered, they started to have her rejoin the other apprentices. Their intimate moments became harder and harder to come by. He was back in his plate mail and it annoyed both of them. They grew frustrated and Selene had to work extra hard to reenforce the fact that she was more focused on her studies than anything else. It’s not it was a lie or that the other templars assigned to her could deny. Those few moments they could steal were all passion. Soon Cullen learned a quick way out of his greaves and pants. Selene would find herself propped up against a wall as Cullen pleasured her. There would be moments where Cullen would have her bent over a table as he thrust himself into her. On occasion they’ve almost been interrupted as he was getting dressed, but Selene was fast enough to make it look like she was studying regardless of the mess Cullen found himself in.

It had been a couple of months since Selene had her last menses and she grew nervous. She couldn’t allow anyone to know. She knew that everyone would know Cullen was the father, she didn’t even know if she should let Cullen know. She knew he’d eventually find out so she figured she’d have to be the one.

“Cullen, I have something delicate to tell you.”

It was one of those rare moments that they were alone together. 

Cullen smiled at her holding her hands up to his lips, kissing them tenderly. “What is it my love?”

Selene took a deep breath and looked into his eyes. Somehow she believed that seeing his eyes and the love he had for her would make it easier, but it didn’t. “Cullen, I’m pregnant. I understand if you want to end this or…”  
Cullen pulled her in and kissed her. At that moment nothing would part them. Cullen was overjoyed forgetting what would happen to them and the baby if this was found out. He was just so happy, that he stopped caring.


	6. Caught and Punished

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen and Selene deal with the consequences of their relationship

The next day First Enchanter Irving called on her. He said it was time for her Harrowing. She knew the dangers and immediately regretted telling Cullen she was pregnant. If something were to happen and she needed to be put down Cullen wouldn’t be able to. All he would be thinking about would be his unborn child and the woman he loved.

Cullen had found out shortly after and tried his best to shirk his duty. Ser Greagoir reminded Cullen of the importance of him doing this, because she was his charge. All the worst case scenarios played in his head. When he saw Selene before him, sharing the same expression he about broke down. They all took their places and he watched her go into the Fade. He waited and waited, every second feeling like it was an hour. He finally saw her come out of it. She was fine, they were fine. He wanted to take her in his arms and kiss her, but he couldn’t, it was something for them to do later. A celebration in private.

 

Their private celebration would be their last. A few nights after the two were caught kissing by First Enchanter Irving.

“Selene! Cullen! What are you two doing? How could you two do such a thing? I wouldn’t have expected this from either of you. Cullen, you know I have to tell Ser Greagoir about this.”

“If you must. I was planning on handing him my resignation. I can no longer be in the order with my feelings for Selene. Please don’t punish her. I couldn’t bear it.”

“Cullen, you know it has to happen.”

“No, I won’t let it.” Cullen fell to his knees crying. Instinctively Selene went to comfort him. 

“Please First Enchanter can you at least let us say our good byes?” Selene begged.

Irving knew them both, he couldn’t believe that either of them would do this. He took pity on the couple and left them in the room to talk. As he stood at the entrance an apprentice approached him. “Ser there is a Grey Warden here. His name is Duncan, he wishes to speak to you.”

Irving looks into the room, still hearing Cullen’s cries and Selene’s soft voice soothing him. He found it strange how Selene was taking it better than Cullen, but someone had to. 

“You two, I’m leaving and you better remain inconspicuous until I return.”

“What will happen to our baby Leenie?”

“Most likely given to another Circle.” Selene started to sob softly. “Everyone will know you’re the father and I don’t know if I could handle any more rumors. I’ll have to request to be sent to another Circle.”

 

“Irving I’ve come here to look for a mage that can help with our cause. You’ve been a close friend so I was hoping you could give up one of your mages, as it were.” The Grey Warden rested his arm on his sword’s pommel. 

Irving took a deep breath, he had someone in mind, it was better than the punishment she was to receive. He hated to have to give her up, but he would’ve hated it even more to make her a Tranquil or at the very least send her off to another Circle. He rather keep their indiscretion to himself. He was disappointed in both of them, he felt betrayed, Irving knew if Ser Greagoir discovered this he’d take the severest form of punishment.

“I know someone who’d be perfect. She managed to escape an attack from a Templar and I think she’d be able to help with this Blight.”

“Thank you Irving, can you take me to her?” Duncan asked letting Irving walk in front of him.

Cullen sat on the desk while Selene sat in a chair on the desk across from his. Selene’s eyes were swollen from all the crying. She didn’t want to be parted from the man she loved so deeply. She was willing to escape, to find a way into the phylactery and take her blood. She knew where it was, but she knew Irving would prevent her from going anywhere near it. Selene threw caution the wind and stood up heading towards Cullen.

“I’ll find a way to return to you my love.” She took his hand in her’s and kissed his fingers. He pulled her in closer and kissed her forehead. 

“You know after this we’ll no longer see each other. None of us.”He places his other hand on her belly. “I love you two, no matter what happens, I’ll never stop loving you.”

Irving stood at the door way a scowl on his face. “You two stop it this instant. You were warned already. Cullen, I will not inform Ser Greagoir, but I know I should, but I can’t bring myself to punish you. This is why with a heavy heart that I’m sending Selene to join the Grey Wardens. Duncan here is going to conscript you, this is a great opportunity for you Selene.”

“What? She could die, I can’t have her die.” Cullen jumped off the table. Selene grabbed his arm holding him back.

“Cullen, this is our best option. I can have a degree of freedom, we can see each other again.” Selene was afraid to loosen her grip.

“I’ll join the Wardens.” The couple said their good-byes. Irving knew what it was to have a secret affair, to have fallen in love and lose the one you love. He felt their pain, possibly the reason he wasn’t going to tell Greagoir of their affair.

Selene walked out the door with Duncan looking back at Cullen as he cried into his hands. Tears streaked down her face. She knew the risk to her and their child. She’d lose the baby, they wouldn’t allow her to keep it, but at least she knew she had the option of finding him again and possibly reunite with him.

“You two seem like you really love each other.” Duncan broke the silence.

“Yes, he means a lot to me.” Selene wiped the tears from her face.  
“I can’t promise you’ll ever see him again or even if you’ll be able to reunite, but I’ve seen it happen amongst our ranks.”

“Then why couldn’t you conscript him?” Selene asked.

“We needed more mages. He seems like a great man and he’ll make a great Knight Commander one day, I just can’t recruit him.”

Selene’s heart sank, her hands became cold and clammy. _I’ll never see him again._ But she was wrong, she’d see him again, but not under the best circumstances.


	7. Last Moments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Selene encounters Cullen at the Circle when it fell. Tie in with Love At the Point of a Dagger http://archiveofourown.org/works/3454892

It had been months since she had left the Circle and here she back to the place that held so many of her memories, the most recent being the loss of her love. She was with Zevran now, whether or not it was love between them didn’t matter to her. She welcomed the distraction and after losing her child to the taint she didn’t care anymore. She knew Cullen was gone, but it still made her nervous to walk down the corridors of the Circle once more. She only saw abominations, dead templars and demons. Very rarely did they encounter a mage that wasn’t possessed or a blood mage. With every familiar room she passed her chest tightened. The small room where she was almost raped, the clinic where the couple had shared their first kiss, the quarters where they were caught and finally at the end of the hall, the room where she learned to use her daggers and where they first made love. 

Zevran looked at her, “Mi amor, what’s the matter?” he reached for her hand. She pulled away from him. “It’s just memories.” She held her waist, crying over her loss and remembering how she received those scars that Zevran loved so much. She looked at him wondering if she would ever love him like she did Cullen. She had deep feelings for Zevran, she loved spending time with him and there were moments where they had great discussions that weren’t sexual in nature. There was more to Zevran than people gave him credit for and she was happy to have gotten to know that side of him, but if she had seen Cullen at that very instance she’d leave Zevran’s side forever.

There was a brief time where her and her companions were trapped in the Fade and she searched for them to free all of them, but she just wanted to stay. She wanted to leave it all behind, she didn’t want the memories anymore. She made it out begrudgingly, it was a bittersweet moment for her, but she had to appear thankful for her freedom. 

They reached the stairs to get to Uldred when she saw the one thing that almost had her on her knees. It was Cullen, he was trapped in a magical prison. Her chest tightened, her throat closed, she couldn’t talk and all she could do was cry.

“Cullen?”

The man before was broken, he was just a shell of the man she had loved only months before, the man she still loved.

“You. Stay away from me you foul demon. You will not do this to me. You’re not real.” He rocked back and forth on his knees.

Selene knelt down to face him. “Love, it’s me. I thought you had left the templars. What are you still doing here?”

Zevran had heard her conversation and quickly put the pieces together. This was the man who had taught her, the one that she said was punished. He felt a twinge of jealousy, seeing her there still calling him her love as if her new lover wasn’t standing behind her.

“My love wouldn’t be back here. She’d stay back, back with our child. Just kill me now, take me out of my misery.”

“Cullen, I can’t, there is a way I can save you, the Circle, everyone.” she cried out.

“You mages need to be kept in check, we were too lenient with you. You seduced me and became pregnant. You were trying to trap me with your mage child. You have to kill everyone in this tower Everyone has become possessed or an abomination.”

His words cut through her deeper than Ser Thomas’ daggers. She held her belly as if she was protecting the child she had lost from the words of their father. 

“I will not let innocents die because of a few abominations.”

“A few? A few? Don’t you see the state of the Circle? There are more than a few abominations running around here.” Cullen yelled at her, further cutting into her.

That was the moment where she had to give up her love for him. He wasn’t the man she loved, nor would he ever be again.

“Good-bye Cullen. I’m leaving you, I’m hoping you survive this, that you can make it out of this prison. And our child, our child didn’t make it through my joining. I’m sorry love.”

Everyone looked at the two shocked at what they heard. They couldn’t believe that their Warden Commander was involved with a templar and that she was once pregnant. Alistair felt bad for her, she knew she was with child and she had lost it to the Joining. She had joined the Grey Wardens knowing that she’d die, she did it to help Thedas and to escape her prison, and now she had to face the man who fathered her child. She had lost both of them and it was crushing her.

As they walked up the stairs she felt Zevran’s hand reach for hers. She gripped it tightly, “I don’t want to lose you Zevran. I’ll make sure you won’t end up like that. Ever.” 

Zevran could hear the sincerity in her voice and it made him feel better, even if it was in the worst of circumstances.

After their battle with Uldred, Selene walked past the prison where Cullen was, it was no longer standing and he was gone. She figured that someone had saved him, at least someone did for him what she couldn’t.


End file.
